as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
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your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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