my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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