No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
