That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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