I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
