when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize