he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
