i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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