I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize