last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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