when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize