K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
