omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
