u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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