Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
