She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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