6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
honey bunches of taint.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
ok first of all what the fuck
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
