Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize