What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
