His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
