Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize