1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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