just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
