i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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