it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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