we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
