I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
