this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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