I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize