I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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