R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
