It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
