He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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