No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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