it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Watching her eat just hurts me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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