This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
