im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
