I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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