We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
