I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
