This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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