i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize