I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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