I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
