just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
