The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
