dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
