im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
