my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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