I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize