I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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