All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
