I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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