Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
