she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
