im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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